I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
