i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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