She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
