I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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