The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just cut my nipple shaving
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
