Michael Bay diarrhea
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
