i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
