i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
