The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
