M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
