p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
