I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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