Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
