ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
