He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
