she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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