Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
