last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
