Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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