hotel room ftw
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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