I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
