it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
