honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
