i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
