Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
