I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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