Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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