im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
