I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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