just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
