I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
