I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think i got beer on your cat.
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