Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're too hungover to prance.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
