Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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