I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
