If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
