Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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