I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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