apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
