He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
