I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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