I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
