you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
