i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
