Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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