Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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