Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
