And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
