marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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