I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
