If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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