I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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