Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
