dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
