I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
