Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
